Perhaps if you strive to meditate, you can relate with this one. I read something, some time ago, that we should look forward to times when we sit still, in silence, and focus upon our Lord. I used to–dread is too extreme a descriptor–those times but now I look to it. Evagrius’ truth is provocative.
“Undistracted prayer is the highest act of the intellect.”
—Evagrius Ponticus, Chapters on Prayer, 34.
To sit still in light or dark, seeking neither
eyelids tight as mussel shells
silence deep as a storm cellar
inner voices hushed as shadow speech
Waves of phantasms storms
across the mind’s cosmos
until sheer will shutters out all light
for a moment. Or two.
Mind’s eye blinks. The noonday demon stirs
the body’s temple into squirming,
curling and uncurling toes, tasting
that first wet kiss at the dark doorway,
then a shin furiously itches
until its skin is under fingernails.
You blink, exhale and try again.